People Archives - Page 4 of 7

Smile and Wave

November 26, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

What do you do when someone you meet again after 3 years tells you they see you as too independent to ever have a serious relationship? And what do you do when that someone is an ex?

Well, you just smile. And wave. Actually no, I just smiled.

It was kinda shocking and I admit I was somewhere between anger and frustration, wanting to ask the question ‘why’ and leaving that instant. But instead, I just smiled and thought about what he said.

After all, I did try a relationship with him and even though that ended 3 years ago, I was very into him at that point. But still, somehow he had this impression of me that I am not the relationship type. So I ask you now, is there such a thing?

Me thinks not. I think we all have that one person that’s just perfect for us and understands our way of being. The one person that fits us so well, no matter the type of freak or f*cked up we are (because we all are fucked up in our own way, don’t try to deny it). Well, that person will be there and the match between us is so perfect that seems unbreakable.

On the other hand, to a person that doesn’t fit you, one that doesn’t understand you, you will never be good enough no matter what you do.

Take this, for example: a friend of the opposite sex calls you in the middle of the night. If you’re a girl, you get ringed by a guy-friend and if you’re a guy, that’s a girl-friend you got ringed by. They need you help so you rush to get dressed. Now, if you have that person that understands you and fits you and knows your ways, they know they can trust you and that you really want to help the friend that called, nothing else. Hell, they even get dressed and come with you to offer a hand. On the other hand, a person that’s not your type of person gets upset with the fact that the call woke them up, may even get jealous that you help a friend no matter the circumstance. And they judge you without even asking for details.

Okay, it may not have been the best example, or maybe it was. Don’t know. I’ve had both kinds of relationship and even though I tried to make both of them work – because you’re not in a relationship just for a Facebook status, you actually have to mean it and work for it – the one that I’m most fond of is the one when I really felt appreciated.

Now, there are 3 things that need clarification and it’s imperative that you know yourself from head to toe, in order to achieve these conclusions. And you only do it for yourself, really. So there’s no point in oversell it. First, you need to know what you don’t accept in a relationship and from a partner. Because that’s the only way you can be sure of what’s wrong and what’s right for you. You don’t have time to waste, even in your love life, trust me. Depending on the age you are, all the experimenting was nice before you reach 25, but after that it’s just a waste of time. You need to able to select the qualities you admire in a partner and also the things that are a total turn-off. There is no ‘I just have to see how this one ends, maybe it works’ allowed.

Okay, second – you need to know if you can really have a relationship. You can’t be in a relationship and act single. Because then, what’s the point?! Ask yourself if you can really be monogamous, if you can trust another person enough to form a team, if you are open and flexible enough to see your partner’s point of view and respect it, even though you may not always be in agreement.

And third – love your single life. Yes, love it and enjoy every minute of it. Take your ‘me-time’ (personally, I have a day per week), enjoy moments with your friends, take time for your hobbies. You are the only one that should complete yourself and that’s not a partner’s job. If you don’t love and respect yourself or better yet, if you can’t stand yourself in those alone moments, who will?

Too many people fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes that even sadder? When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one. The last part isn’t mine, I have no credit for it – it’s a friend’s thought shared with me, so I had to tell it to you too. He said all this is really sad. I told him it’s just a warning you should educate yourself not to get in a situation like this.

Me? I don’t agree with my ex’s opinion of me. I think that when it comes to us two, I am the one that knows me better and not him. I know how to be single, I know how to have a relationship when it’s the case. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes and feel the need for activities couples do, but I also know what I can and cannot accept in someone who wants to be my partner. So yes, I guess I’ll be single until I find that special someone 🙂

P.S.: If you enjoyed this, you might also like to read: How to – Relationships, How to Play and How Long is Forever?.

The Smarter the Woman is…

November 10, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

… The more difficult it is for her to find the right man.

Why? Because smart women need much more from a man than basic needs. As you may know, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs introduces the five needs that can be divided into two major categories – basic (physiological, safety, love and esteem) and growth needs (self-actualization).

While the majority of women is happy with a man who works, makes money and fulfills their physical needs, and other small category also values the respect and attention their men pay to them, you may also aknowledge the existence of another type of women – for those all of the above aren’t enough. What do these women want, now?

Well, it’s simple. When a woman is self-sufficient, independent and provides for herself, she needs a man who can give her something she can’t have just by her own. She can shop for groceries alright, have a house, pay the bills. So when she will think about a man, she will raise the question of ‘How could that man bring added value to my life?’.

To a woman like this, a man is much more than a source of money or attention. She knows too well who she really is, she’s confident and doesn’t need attention. She aims for respect, but that’s not all. Starting from there, she needs someone with whom she can have real conversations, someone to mentally stimulate her. Her type of man would be sensitive enough to understand her but strong enough to be a support when needed. She will want someone who respects her, but more than that she will need someone who gives her something to respect in return.

Just like she is, she will give her attention to a self-sufficient but not ego-centered man. Because the both of them can build a relationship in which they can help eachother.

So, in today’ world, what chances does a strong woman have to find the right man? I wonder…

Just Do It!

November 4, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

No, it’s not hidden advertising and no, this post has nothing to do with Nike. But it does have to do with overthinking.

You know overthinking, the thing that keeps most of us stuck in doubt and fear. The same one that makes a problem out of what is possibly nothing. Also, the one that will make any circumstance worse than it actually is and will rob you of all the energy you have. Well, I discovered that overthinking not only creates doubt when relating to others, but it also leads to self-doubt and in the end, even to feelings of anger and diappointment.

Oh, the ‘what-ifs’ moments! Now I ask you, what is better – to act and have something to learn from, or to live your whole life with the what-if question? What would be your biggest regret? To have tried and failed but having lived that experience or to always wonder what you should have done? Think about it and choose one.

My fav quote about overthinking? ‘I think that I think too much’. And that is the first step – to admit to yourself and accept that you do think too much. The moment you realise that, is the moment you already know you are doing something you shouldn’t be doing, something that brings no good.

The second step is the hardest – is the one where you forgive yourself. Specialists have actually discovered that the human brain is set to make a natural tendency out of overthinking. So it’s not your fault but you can control it. And that brings me to the next step or steps – try to relax more, engage in physical activities, get busy, take deep breaths. Enjoy the moment, whatever it brings.

‘If it’s good, it’s nice. If it’s bad, it’s experience’. One of my mottos that I love and believe in, no matter the circumstance.

Did someone hurt me? Well, that says more about the person who hurt me than it says about me. But I’m glad that someone like that got out of my life and left the spot for someone better to fill.

Going through a heartbreak? Great, I may be down now, but at least not I know what I don’t want in a partner. Or what I can’t accept in a relationship.

Did I have a fight with someone dear? It’s okay, it will pass. Nothing in this world is permanent. People come and go, things come and go, situations come and go. And we always have a chance to experience something new afterwards.

Stay positive no matter what, because you can’t control the things around you, but you can control how you react.

And just do whatever makes you happy! 🙂 (Of course, as long as you don’t hurt anyone else in the process of making yourself happy)

How to – Relationships

November 3, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

I hear people saying – ‘I want a relationship’, ‘I miss being in a relationship’.

Well, that’s just plain wrong if you ask me. A relationship is not something you just want or have.

A relationship is something you make, you build from ground after getting to know eachother, after being through good and bad and not wanting to change a single thing about it all. True relationships are based on people who love and respect eachother, who are there for one another. And that is something you cannot fake.

At some point in my life, I was sitting with a guy I just met and we had a nice connection, we could talk for hours and not feel bored. Actually, we did talk for 3 hours in a cafe. And then he said those words – ‘You know, I like you and I think I want a relationship with you’. Oh no.

How could he think (first of all, he thought) he wants a relationship with me when he just met me? And second, what kind of relationship are people used to, since they just go and ask for one the moment they met someone?

We became too superficial. In life and love also… It makes me unhappy to realise that and it makes me even more sad to write it, but it’s true. People go aroung having ‘relationships’ of 2 weeks and saying ‘I love you’ to the first person they like. The saddest thing of all? Many of them really believe in what they hear. And then we wonder how we got heartbroken.

We start to confuse ‘like’ with ‘love’. We ourselves are confused about what they mean and how they feel. We’ve become so eager to have, to feel, to experience something that we don’t know yet, that we throw ourselves into anything that makes our heart racing. We overplay everything and push ourselves into things we can’t handle anymore at a certain point. We don’t even think that maybe someone else will get hurt in all this. We don’t take anyone into consideration, but our need to feel alive. It’s all about the lust.

We know no limits when it comes to getting what we think we want. So what if there’s another person involved, a human being with real feelings? Nope, all that matters is here and now. I really did came to the conclusion the we need to know how to play, before we get into this game.

My thoughts on the struggle that has become having a relationship? Elizabeth Burke states it too well.

How Long is Forever?

October 26, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

A few days ago I found a picture in my Facebook news feed, one that was added by a friend of mine. On this note, I would like to thank Gabi for his kindness. When I saw the pictures he took of the locks in Verona, I wrote to him that I will steal his pics for my iPhone wallpaper and also for the blog. He then offered to send his pics to me, in full size. It took him 7 emails to send all those to me 🙂 And he had the patience.

So, as I was saying, I saw this picture and the first thing that went through my mind was – ‘How many of those couples are still together?’. How many of the couples who have a lock there still hold on to their promise?

I want to think of myself as a realist. I am romantic enough to believe in love and all that ‘together forever’ thing, I do hope that there’s a person for everyone, I would even use a lock to decorate the bridge there, if I had a chance and reason… But something made me think about the love stories I know and also even the ones I lived.

I’ve seen many beautiful love stories that ended sudden, mines included. But this is not about me or my failures when it comes to love, this is about love itself and the people who manage to cherish it.

We have a tendency of making promises when we are happy with one another, when we’re looking through the rose-colored glasses, when we’re still in the honeymoon period. And then what? What happens when all of that is over and the real issues make an appearance? Day-to-day life shows us how we really are. The moments when you’re overwhelmed and you still find the time, mood, understanding, energy for the one you love.

I do have some favorite couples among my friends. Couples that I’ve known since their beginnings, that have stayed together through the good and the bad and that still love and support eachother. I simply love them together, I look at them and they give me hope that fairytale love is possible in real life too. There’s someone for everyone.

I’ll leave you with a saying that I love – ‘Don’t make promises when you’re happy and don’t make decisions when you’re angry’.

31 Days Challenge, Day 25 – My Vienna

October 25, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

That I was in Vienna when I turned 18, you already know thanks to my Day 17 post. But what you don’t know is that my memory box also has stuff from there.

So, on our way to the Schonbrun Palace, me and my mum had a fight. I really can’t remember the subject of that, but I do remember it made me so mad that I started to ignore it. So, there we were waiting getting on the subway, when I saw an empty seat so I went to sit there. On the chair, there was an Airways chewing gum. I smiled and I thought – ‘Hey, this should be in my memory box’. I have no other comment on that, but it made me smile.

I’m addicted to chewing gum, but I haven’t used a single pill from there!

On another note, I really liked the cards that the hotel had for every room. So much that I kept one. Mine had an eye. my mum’s had lips. I saw that there were others with legs, hands, noses, etc.

I loved this hotel, even if the staff was gay. Yes, they had pretty boys wandering the halls of the hotel… Oh, and I also loved their breakfast buffet!!! Like really, they had everything and anything you can think of. And if they didn’t, they would made it especially for you! It was an incredible large room filled with food and most importantly, sweets!

Oh, I do need to go back there!… *feeling melancholic*

31 Days Challenge, Day 23 – Princess Me

October 23, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

One December I received this tiara that confirmed to me and others around me the thing that I suspected all along… That I was a princess.

I wore it on the day I received it and made everyone around me think I was crazy… Literally. I also wore it on the day that I had my 18th bday party and on my prom night. About the man that made me a princess, I wrote here and here.

anamariapopa.com blog post princess tiara surprise present ana maria popa

And this is me being a princess on my prom night!