How to – Relationships

I hear people saying – ‘I want a relationship’, ‘I miss being in a relationship’.

Well, that’s just plain wrong if you ask me. A relationship is not something you just want or have.

A relationship is something you make, you build from ground after getting to know eachother, after being through good and bad and not wanting to change a single thing about it all. True relationships are based on people who love and respect eachother, who are there for one another. And that is something you cannot fake.

At some point in my life, I was sitting with a guy I just met and we had a nice connection, we could talk for hours and not feel bored. Actually, we did talk for 3 hours in a cafe. And then he said those words – ‘You know, I like you and I think I want a relationship with you’. Oh no.

How could he think (first of all, he thought) he wants a relationship with me when he just met me? And second, what kind of relationship are people used to, since they just go and ask for one the moment they met someone?

We became too superficial. In life and love also… It makes me unhappy to realise that and it makes me even more sad to write it, but it’s true. People go aroung having ‘relationships’ of 2 weeks and saying ‘I love you’ to the first person they like. The saddest thing of all? Many of them really believe in what they hear. And then we wonder how we got heartbroken.

We start to confuse ‘like’ with ‘love’. We ourselves are confused about what they mean and how they feel. We’ve become so eager to have, to feel, to experience something that we don’t know yet, that we throw ourselves into anything that makes our heart racing. We overplay everything and push ourselves into things we can’t handle anymore at a certain point. We don’t even think that maybe someone else will get hurt in all this. We don’t take anyone into consideration, but our need to feel alive. It’s all about the lust.

We know no limits when it comes to getting what we think we want. So what if there’s another person involved, a human being with real feelings? Nope, all that matters is here and now. I really did came to the conclusion the we need to know how to play, before we get into this game.

My thoughts on the struggle that has become having a relationship? Elizabeth Burke states it too well. blog post facebook page relationships how to ana maria popa love relationship quote

How to Play?

Is there anyone who doesn’t love games? Ever since we’re little, games are fun. We’d rather play games than do our homework.

Monopoly, Airplanes, Scrabble, those are games to play, they have rules. So why do we choose to play with someone else’s heart or mind when we grow up?

Power. It’s about the power that we have over the other person. Since there are no clear rules, one can easily change the game as the interaction goes on. The game and rules are different from one player to another.

Apparently, if you start playing a game trying to be fair and honest, you already lost.

Life, and love too, is simple. It’s the people that complicate it. Why can’t it be as simple as ‘I like you and you like me; let’s do something about it’? No, it’s not that simple because we forgot how to be honest. We forget to tell someone ‘I like you NOW – but I don’t know about tomorrow’, ‘I want to be with you – but I’m just so f*cked up and I don’t know how to be in a relationship’. It’s easy to neglect those things…

And the worst of all, sometimes it’s not even our fault. If you answer to a text too soon, you’re boring. You take too long, missed your chance. Text first, you’re desperate. Don’t text at all, you’re not interested.

They’ve taught us since little that time heals everything. Well guess what, it doesn’t. Time just helps you replace memories and people. It’s not that you won’t remember it, but that you’ve saved another memory over it. But what do you do when you own a memory that won’t be replaced?

Personally, I have one of those. I still have that one person that got out of my life and I cannot replace him no matter what. And it’s like that with the memories too. No matter how much time has passed or how many people I meet, no matter what I try, it’s no use. I’ve tried getting used to the idea of why that person left my life, I’ve tried to rationalize it by searching a meaning, I’ve tried denying it, I’ve tried anything I could think of and that worked till now. Still, the only one that I haven’t tried and that’s not possible is trying to get in touch again.

So what now? Could you imagine a game where everybody wins?


fair love game how to play blog post ana maria popa september