Receiving is an art…

Giving is easy, we all love to do that especially when it comes to material things. How about receiving?

I think we can all state, after looking at the people around us and including ourselves, that we might be pretty good givers, but we fail at the attempt of receiving – gifts, compliments, help, you name it.

Well, giving and receiving are key aspects of a complete experience when it comes to human interaction. Imagine if all of us would be great givers, who would receive what we feel the need to give? I know now, receiving isn’t easy, but how can we change that? And this one is a decisive question, not only because of the season we’re in.

Let’s look at it this way – How giving to others makes you feel? Do you feel appreciation? How about pride for making another person happy? So, it’s all about you. No problem, we all are kind of egotistic and do things in order to make ourselves feel better. Even when we help others. Let’s stop here for a second and look at the other person. How does he/she feel? Maybe, the thing you just offered saved them a lot of trouble. Or money. Maybe they truly needed your gift. Maybe they didn’t know they need it, and you just made them realize that. Again, it’s not about you – it’s about them.

So, why not let them give something back? Why not let them make you feel the way you made them feel? And eventually, in the most egotistic form, let them be like that for a change! Let them feel great for giving.

My personal opinion? I think we don’t know how to receive anything because of one single reason – We don’t know our worth. We don’t know what we deserve and we can’t accept the fact that someone figures it out (figures us out) better than ourselves. In the end, isn’t all of this about us and us only?

The next time you find yourself in a situation like this, remember the next: Those two – giving and receiving – should be a part of our daily experiences. If the giving part comes natural and we don’t always analyze its benefit, the receiving one is vital to our mental balance and spiritual connection.

Life tip: Accept compliments, enjoy gifts, appreciate the people you have around, make the most of every little thing that is given to you! How can you do that? Improving your communication skills would be an idea. A ‘thank you’ is nice, but how about ‘That is so sweet of you to say that’ or ‘I really appreciate you noticing that’? If you’re bold you can even try an ‘You made my day!’.

I challenge you to use of those at least once a day for a week, then watch your perspective change 🙂 blog post art of receiving giving keys of life holiday season winter christmas presents gifts surprise image

Smile and Wave

What do you do when someone you meet again after 3 years tells you they see you as too independent to ever have a serious relationship? And what do you do when that someone is an ex?

Well, you just smile. And wave. Actually no, I just smiled.

It was kinda shocking and I admit I was somewhere between anger and frustration, wanting to ask the question ‘why’ and leaving that instant. But instead, I just smiled and thought about what he said.

After all, I did try a relationship with him and even though that ended 3 years ago, I was very into him at that point. But still, somehow he had this impression of me that I am not the relationship type. So I ask you now, is there such a thing?

Me thinks not. I think we all have that one person that’s just perfect for us and understands our way of being. The one person that fits us so well, no matter the type of freak or f*cked up we are (because we all are fucked up in our own way, don’t try to deny it). Well, that person will be there and the match between us is so perfect that seems unbreakable.

On the other hand, to a person that doesn’t fit you, one that doesn’t understand you, you will never be good enough no matter what you do.

Take this, for example: a friend of the opposite sex calls you in the middle of the night. If you’re a girl, you get ringed by a guy-friend and if you’re a guy, that’s a girl-friend you got ringed by. They need you help so you rush to get dressed. Now, if you have that person that understands you and fits you and knows your ways, they know they can trust you and that you really want to help the friend that called, nothing else. Hell, they even get dressed and come with you to offer a hand. On the other hand, a person that’s not your type of person gets upset with the fact that the call woke them up, may even get jealous that you help a friend no matter the circumstance. And they judge you without even asking for details.

Okay, it may not have been the best example, or maybe it was. Don’t know. I’ve had both kinds of relationship and even though I tried to make both of them work – because you’re not in a relationship just for a Facebook status, you actually have to mean it and work for it – the one that I’m most fond of is the one when I really felt appreciated.

Now, there are 3 things that need clarification and it’s imperative that you know yourself from head to toe, in order to achieve these conclusions. And you only do it for yourself, really. So there’s no point in oversell it. First, you need to know what you don’t accept in a relationship and from a partner. Because that’s the only way you can be sure of what’s wrong and what’s right for you. You don’t have time to waste, even in your love life, trust me. Depending on the age you are, all the experimenting was nice before you reach 25, but after that it’s just a waste of time. You need to able to select the qualities you admire in a partner and also the things that are a total turn-off. There is no ‘I just have to see how this one ends, maybe it works’ allowed.

Okay, second – you need to know if you can really have a relationship. You can’t be in a relationship and act single. Because then, what’s the point?! Ask yourself if you can really be monogamous, if you can trust another person enough to form a team, if you are open and flexible enough to see your partner’s point of view and respect it, even though you may not always be in agreement.

And third – love your single life. Yes, love it and enjoy every minute of it. Take your ‘me-time’ (personally, I have a day per week), enjoy moments with your friends, take time for your hobbies. You are the only one that should complete yourself and that’s not a partner’s job. If you don’t love and respect yourself or better yet, if you can’t stand yourself in those alone moments, who will?

Too many people fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes that even sadder? When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one. The last part isn’t mine, I have no credit for it – it’s a friend’s thought shared with me, so I had to tell it to you too. He said all this is really sad. I told him it’s just a warning you should educate yourself not to get in a situation like this.

Me? I don’t agree with my ex’s opinion of me. I think that when it comes to us two, I am the one that knows me better and not him. I know how to be single, I know how to have a relationship when it’s the case. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes and feel the need for activities couples do, but I also know what I can and cannot accept in someone who wants to be my partner. So yes, I guess I’ll be single until I find that special someone 🙂 blog post There are too many people who fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes them even sadder When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one loneliness


P.S.: If you enjoyed this, you might also like to read: How to – Relationships, How to Play and How Long is Forever?.

The Smarter the Woman is…

… The more difficult it is for her to find the right man.

Why? Because smart women need much more from a man than basic needs. As you may know, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs introduces the five needs that can be divided into two major categories – basic (physiological, safety, love and esteem) and growth needs (self-actualization).

While the majority of women is happy with a man who works, makes money and fulfills their physical needs, and other small category also values the respect and attention their men pay to them, you may also aknowledge the existence of another type of women – for those all of the above aren’t enough. What do these women want, now?

Well, it’s simple. When a woman is self-sufficient, independent and provides for herself, she needs a man who can give her something she can’t have just by her own. She can shop for groceries alright, have a house, pay the bills. So when she will think about a man, she will raise the question of ‘How could that man bring added value to my life?’.

To a woman like this, a man is much more than a source of money or attention. She knows too well who she really is, she’s confident and doesn’t need attention. She aims for respect, but that’s not all. Starting from there, she needs someone with whom she can have real conversations, someone to mentally stimulate her. Her type of man would be sensitive enough to understand her but strong enough to be a support when needed. She will want someone who respects her, but more than that she will need someone who gives her something to respect in return.

Just like she is, she will give her attention to a self-sufficient but not ego-centered man. Because the both of them can build a relationship in which they can help eachother. blog post single women smart woman difficult to find a man



So, in today’ world, what chances does a strong woman have to find the right man? I wonder…

10 Reasons to Get Happy :)

I often get questions like – ‘How can you be so positive?’, ‘Why are you so optimistic, don’t you worry about life?’, ‘Why do you smile all the time?’. I also get remarks like – ‘I gotta see you more often, you charge me with energy’, ‘I just have to look at your photos and I have a good day’, ‘Thank you for *something I posted on Facebook*, I really feel it inside’.

One of the greatest and funniest things that happened to me lately was making friends with this really lovely girl, Ruxandra. Well, Ruxandra added me on Facebook, out of nowhere. At some point, I asked on Facebook for help and she shared my status. The result was that through her, a friend of hers contacted me and helped me, so the natural thing to do was to send her a message to say thanks. Well, she was really friendly and we started talking more and more so we decided to meet at a teahouse one evening.

We had a really nice conversation, girl-talk, and I got to ask her how she found me on Facebook so she told me that a mutual friend liked one of my pictures and it appeared on her newsfeed. She then said that she liked my pic, she started looking through my photos and saw that I was smiling in everyone of them, that I had this positive vibe and that she likes and needs someone like that around her. Besides the fact that she is really cute and sweet, that made her even more adorable in my eyes 🙂 And also, she admitted that it was the first time she met with a girl she knew on Facebook. Aww! We kept in touch since then and became friends and we created this habit of seeing eachother once a week.

So, one time, Ruxandra asked me one of those questions I always get. Me being happy, as I told Ruxandra also, is just my natural mood. I like to see the bright side of life and not stress over, well, anything. I’ve come to see that everything passes, good things and bad things also. I try to enjoy the moment as much as I can, every moment even if it’s not that enjoyable. As an example, I even enjoyed having my knee broken. Yes, that might sound weird, but it was the best thing I could do back then.

Long story short, I broke my knee on a second date with this guy who, while wandering the streets, asked me to dance on the music of a street musician. Well, my heels got stuck in the pavement, so my knee broke when the guy tried to lean me back. I fainted immediately and when I woke up, I started laughing. Yes, it might not have been the best move, even the guy asked me if I was okay or if he also hurt my head. My answer to him was – ‘Come on, it’s really funny. You’ve literally got me head over heels on our second date. No other guy has managed to do that!’. Really now, what was I supposed to do then – yell, get mad at him, cry? He didn’t want to hurt me, it was an accident. So I just laughed and drove myself to the hospital to get my knee in a cast.

My point is, whatever the situation you are in, just stay calm. Of course there are moments you can’t, I am not happy ALL the time, it would be stupid to state that. Happy people are not people who smile all the time, but they are those who don’t stress over things they can’t change or control. Instead, they try to find answers and solutions to the issues they encounter.

My personal recipe? Here’s 10 things I like to practice as much as possible:

1. Don’t get easily angry. I understand that by being angry, I hurt myself and lose energy and time over nothing. One of my fav mottos in life is – ‘Getting angry at someone is punishing yourself for their issue.’

2. Don’t analyze everything. I just take things as they are. Good or bad, it’s happening for a reason, even if I don’t know it yet. I just let people and circumstances be. And move on when necessary.

3. If down, take time for yourself to lift your spirits. I realise that nobody can change my mood if I am not able to. Plus, why depend on others to have an effect on me?

4. Workout, a lot! Being physically active makes me more active, more happy, more cheerful, more confident and independent and less predisposed to engaging in unnatural behaviour.

5. Control is not everything. Even at age 16 I was afraid of the dark. It was my way of fearing the loss of control. Now? I just enjoy it. I enjoy the darkness and the fact that I can’t have control over everything in my life. There are too many people involved in it, I can’t control them, so why worry? And, of course there’s a quote that I love and that has become my motto – ‘You can’t control what others do to you, but you can control how you react to what you receive’.

6. Do not fear to apologize when you truly feel sorry or if you feel you did something wrong. Because life is not a game in which someone who apologizes loses. People don’t win and lose in life, and especially not when there’s ego involved.

7. Don’t make expectations of others. Why? Because they rarely live up to them. And in the end who gets hurt? Me. So I just take people as they are and enjoy them as much as I can. (Still, there’s difference between taking people as they come and them making a fool out of you, just because they see you accept them unconditionally.)

8. Be direct. If I have a problem with a person, I deal with that person. I communicate and express my feelings. I don’t get other people in the middle and I don’t search for answers outside my friendship or relationship. Also, comparing people and situation doesn’t do any good.

9. Know your limitations and know when to ask for help. I am far from being an expert in any field, but I do know some stuff about life. And I am really curios of finding out even more. Even so, I know that in some fields I don’t have any interest, so I have to get help with technical stuff, for example.

10. Be willing to take risks, even if you fail. Because to me, that means I have tried something in my life. My failures are the ones that will teach me, not a professor, not anything. No matter what the failure, I am sure that when I come out of that, I will be stronger and know more than I knew when I got in that.

Now, I do have some things I admit I have to work on. I’m not perfect, I’m a human being with feelings even if I learned to control them on some level. There were times when I met people or I was put in situations that taught me the things I still need to learn. Okay, so here they are:

1. I can’t save people. Really now, you can’t save anyone, no matter how much you love them. And in the end, you only hurt yourself, by trying to fix someone else. Even if a person knows they do have an issue, it’s not enough if they don’t act that way. (‘I didn’t need you to fix me, I needed to be there while I fix myself’.)

2. I have poor patience. It’s been my burden and I still fight it… ‘I want it all and I want it now’, that kind of thing.

3. I (sometimes) dwell on the past. I love my memories, I really do, and I like to think about them over and over again. Even of the people in my memories are not still present in my life, I could think and talk about them on any occasion. Well, it’s wrong. Yes, the memories are nice, but those people are no longer part of my life for a reason. And staying in the past and reliving those memories won’t do me any good in the present that I have to live and the future that I have to create. So, my advice to you and myself – learn from your past but then get the hell out of there 🙂


My personal saying? Smile for Today. Repeat Everyday.

How to – Relationships

I hear people saying – ‘I want a relationship’, ‘I miss being in a relationship’.

Well, that’s just plain wrong if you ask me. A relationship is not something you just want or have.

A relationship is something you make, you build from ground after getting to know eachother, after being through good and bad and not wanting to change a single thing about it all. True relationships are based on people who love and respect eachother, who are there for one another. And that is something you cannot fake.

At some point in my life, I was sitting with a guy I just met and we had a nice connection, we could talk for hours and not feel bored. Actually, we did talk for 3 hours in a cafe. And then he said those words – ‘You know, I like you and I think I want a relationship with you’. Oh no.

How could he think (first of all, he thought) he wants a relationship with me when he just met me? And second, what kind of relationship are people used to, since they just go and ask for one the moment they met someone?

We became too superficial. In life and love also… It makes me unhappy to realise that and it makes me even more sad to write it, but it’s true. People go aroung having ‘relationships’ of 2 weeks and saying ‘I love you’ to the first person they like. The saddest thing of all? Many of them really believe in what they hear. And then we wonder how we got heartbroken.

We start to confuse ‘like’ with ‘love’. We ourselves are confused about what they mean and how they feel. We’ve become so eager to have, to feel, to experience something that we don’t know yet, that we throw ourselves into anything that makes our heart racing. We overplay everything and push ourselves into things we can’t handle anymore at a certain point. We don’t even think that maybe someone else will get hurt in all this. We don’t take anyone into consideration, but our need to feel alive. It’s all about the lust.

We know no limits when it comes to getting what we think we want. So what if there’s another person involved, a human being with real feelings? Nope, all that matters is here and now. I really did came to the conclusion the we need to know how to play, before we get into this game.

My thoughts on the struggle that has become having a relationship? Elizabeth Burke states it too well. blog post facebook page relationships how to ana maria popa love relationship quote

How Long is Forever?

A few days ago I found a picture in my Facebook news feed, one that was added by a friend of mine. On this note, I would like to thank Gabi for his kindness. When I saw the pictures he took of the locks in Verona, I wrote to him that I will steal his pics for my iPhone wallpaper and also for the blog. He then offered to send his pics to me, in full size. It took him 7 emails to send all those to me 🙂 And he had the patience. blog post forever how long is forever alice in wonderland sometimes just a second featured image love


So, as I was saying, I  saw this picture and the first thing that went through my mind was – ‘How many of those couples are still together?’. How many of the couples who have a lock there still hold on to their promise?

I want to think of myself as a realist. I am romantic enough to believe in love and all that ‘together forever’ thing, I do hope that there’s a person for everyone, I would even use a lock to decorate the bridge there, if I had a chance and reason… But something made me think about the love stories I know and also even the ones I lived.

I’ve seen many beautiful love stories that ended sudden, mines included. But this is not about me or my failures when it comes to love, this is about love itself and the people who manage to cherish it.

We have a tendency of making promises when we are happy with one another, when we’re looking through the rose-colored glasses, when we’re still in the honeymoon period. And then what? What happens when all of that is over and the real issues make an appearance? Day-to-day life shows us how we really are. The moments when you’re overwhelmed and you still find the time, mood, understanding, energy for the one you love.

I do have some favorite couples among my friends. Couples that I’ve known since their beginnings, that have stayed together through the good and the bad and that still love and support eachother. I simply love them together, I look at them and they give me hope that fairytale love is possible in real life too. There’s someone for everyone. blog post forever how long is forever alice in wonderland sometimes just a second love


I’ll leave you with a saying that I love – ‘Don’t make promises when you’re happy and don’t make decisions when you’re angry’.

How to Play?

Is there anyone who doesn’t love games? Ever since we’re little, games are fun. We’d rather play games than do our homework.

Monopoly, Airplanes, Scrabble, those are games to play, they have rules. So why do we choose to play with someone else’s heart or mind when we grow up?

Power. It’s about the power that we have over the other person. Since there are no clear rules, one can easily change the game as the interaction goes on. The game and rules are different from one player to another.

Apparently, if you start playing a game trying to be fair and honest, you already lost.

Life, and love too, is simple. It’s the people that complicate it. Why can’t it be as simple as ‘I like you and you like me; let’s do something about it’? No, it’s not that simple because we forgot how to be honest. We forget to tell someone ‘I like you NOW – but I don’t know about tomorrow’, ‘I want to be with you – but I’m just so f*cked up and I don’t know how to be in a relationship’. It’s easy to neglect those things…

And the worst of all, sometimes it’s not even our fault. If you answer to a text too soon, you’re boring. You take too long, missed your chance. Text first, you’re desperate. Don’t text at all, you’re not interested.

They’ve taught us since little that time heals everything. Well guess what, it doesn’t. Time just helps you replace memories and people. It’s not that you won’t remember it, but that you’ve saved another memory over it. But what do you do when you own a memory that won’t be replaced?

Personally, I have one of those. I still have that one person that got out of my life and I cannot replace him no matter what. And it’s like that with the memories too. No matter how much time has passed or how many people I meet, no matter what I try, it’s no use. I’ve tried getting used to the idea of why that person left my life, I’ve tried to rationalize it by searching a meaning, I’ve tried denying it, I’ve tried anything I could think of and that worked till now. Still, the only one that I haven’t tried and that’s not possible is trying to get in touch again.

So what now? Could you imagine a game where everybody wins?


fair love game how to play blog post ana maria popa september