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2014’s Lessons

December 30, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

My Facebook newsfeed is full of these ‘X’s year’ and ‘It’s been a great year! Thanks for being a part of it!’… Really now, you’re only fooling yourselves. Facebook is only showing you the most popular things throughout this year. And since you only post the good stuff, how can you honestly be proud of what Facebook mixes from your profile?

Still, this made me think of my year. So I took it as a personal challenge to look back at my 2014. I met so many people that taught me things and I’m really grateful for that. I can think of any month of this year and recall a person that touched me, one way or another.

I remember that my January started with the Maroon 5 concert in London (ah-mah-zing). Once I returned, I had to concentrate on my bachelor’s degree so I closed my Facebook (it was a big deal to me!). So I had more time for Instagram and Foursquare, lol.

At the beginning of February I fell in love, the kind of feeling that makes or breaks you, that turns and changes you. It wasn’t the first time I fell in love, but this… this really was something. I was so fascinated by him that I used to look at him and think – this is the type of man I want for a husband. Kind of silly, I know, but he was magic to me. He had me wake up in the morning while having a smile on my face. It was that kind of thing when you lie awake just to see him sleep. But it ended, just like that.

My March was divided between getting back on my feet and my trip to Vienna and seeing my friends and doing my job. So, I got on a plane to Vienna for a few days and had a wonderful time with Couchsurfing friends, Tommi and Chris. There’s where I got my Green Hat from Chris, on Saint Patrick’s Day.

In April I met someone whom I really loved and not necessarily in a romantic way. It was just the way that we were so alike that I felt him like a part of me, even if we had just met. We would even finish each other’s sentences or know what we were about to say before we even say it. It was so real that I would call him ‘my person’ (like in Grey’s Anatomy).

My May was full of activities with ‘my person’, until something wasn’t the way it used to be. We were just so alike, that we were bothered by the same things and we would react in the same way. It was kind of freaky…

So in June we distanced ourselves. June was also my month when I visited Belgium. Whole story, here. Aaand, that is also the month when I had a car accident… It was my fault and luckily there were no victims, but my car got hurt kind of bad (it hurt me also because I love my car) so I had to take it into a car service and leave it there. It was bad to see it like that… She’s my little dragon.

July was the month I was car-less, and I had to suffer because of that. No more trips to the gym, no more going out. I’m kind of a princess in that way, it is very possible that I was born in a car. Or conceived there, don’t know. All I knew this month was to work and go home and work again.

Well, in August things started to get more interesting. I met a lot of beautiful people, and I mean A LOT! I loved them, all of them, for everything they were. And, at some point, a crazy dude broke my knee :)) But that also was fun, in its own weird way, it hurt like hell!

So, August and September were my off-months from work, since I had to only stay in bed… And afterwards I had to move around in a crutch to go to the hospital. September was also the month when I started this blog. It was a really big deal to me and it’s this year’s biggest accomplishment. It had been on my mind for some time but only then I had the time to start it. Also, this was the time I got really close to a friend I now appreciate and respect immensely.

October was the month that I had to catch up with my work and the changes that have been made in the last months that I spent in bed. I don’t even know how this month passed, really. I was super busy, as a bee. But I still had time for a concert and also to re-do my wrist tattoo and get a weekend off to go to the seaside!

Then came November and had my head in my work also, but I also started seeing things from other perspectives. I started having dreams and getting interested on how to make them real. More about that, next year!

Oh well, and December… December is my month, since I’m born on the 16th. And still, I am spoiled enough to have not only a birthday, but a whole birth-week! So, I took advantage of it and celebrated it every day. And since my plan wasn’t enough, my friends surprised me and made me start my celebration even earlier, 2 days earlier. So they made me Princess and got me a diploma that says that I’m the happiest girl alive!

Oh, they also got me a Princess birthday cake made out of Bubblegum and Marshmallows Ice-Cream!

My end of December brought me a biiiiiiig disappointment, but I guess I had to leave this one here, in 2014, so I can start fresh in 2015. I thought I had met someone really special, only to find out that I have been lied to. It was my first time when someone actually admitted to my face that he’d been lying to me. It was a shock at first, and then I was just happy it was over and that I no longer had a person like that in my life. The sad part? I thought he was something else. I think my douche-radar is broken or something, I usually sense this, honestly…

But overall, I am really happy. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve fallen in love and have been disappointed, I met new people – some good and some not so nice, I learned new things and how to deal with certain situations. Oh, and I saw Adam Levine live in concert! I got this blog that started as a place to gather my thoughts and stories of life, but I receive messages from my readers that are inspired by what they find here… It’s really impressive, so this one is about you, my readers. I’m planning something nice for 2015, promise! We can keep in touch on Facebook also, here.

At the end of 2014, all I can say is that I am really curios about 2015 🙂 Because I’m sucker for endings and beginnings.

Receiving is an art…

December 26, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

Giving is easy, we all love to do that especially when it comes to material things. How about receiving?

I think we can all state, after looking at the people around us and including ourselves, that we might be pretty good givers, but we fail at the attempt of receiving – gifts, compliments, help, you name it.

Well, giving and receiving are key aspects of a complete experience when it comes to human interaction. Imagine if all of us would be great givers, who would receive what we feel the need to give? I know now, receiving isn’t easy, but how can we change that? And this one is a decisive question, not only because of the season we’re in.

Let’s look at it this way – How giving to others makes you feel? Do you feel appreciation? How about pride for making another person happy? So, it’s all about you. No problem, we all are kind of egotistic and do things in order to make ourselves feel better. Even when we help others. Let’s stop here for a second and look at the other person. How does he/she feel? Maybe, the thing you just offered saved them a lot of trouble. Or money. Maybe they truly needed your gift. Maybe they didn’t know they need it, and you just made them realize that. Again, it’s not about you – it’s about them.

So, why not let them give something back? Why not let them make you feel the way you made them feel? And eventually, in the most egotistic form, let them be like that for a change! Let them feel great for giving.

My personal opinion? I think we don’t know how to receive anything because of one single reason – We don’t know our worth. We don’t know what we deserve and we can’t accept the fact that someone figures it out (figures us out) better than ourselves. In the end, isn’t all of this about us and us only?

The next time you find yourself in a situation like this, remember the next: Those two – giving and receiving – should be a part of our daily experiences. If the giving part comes natural and we don’t always analyze its benefit, the receiving one is vital to our mental balance and spiritual connection.

Life tip: Accept compliments, enjoy gifts, appreciate the people you have around, make the most of every little thing that is given to you! How can you do that? Improving your communication skills would be an idea. A ‘thank you’ is nice, but how about ‘That is so sweet of you to say that’ or ‘I really appreciate you noticing that’? If you’re bold you can even try an ‘You made my day!’.

I challenge you to use of those at least once a day for a week, then watch your perspective change 🙂

Smile and Wave

November 26, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

What do you do when someone you meet again after 3 years tells you they see you as too independent to ever have a serious relationship? And what do you do when that someone is an ex?

Well, you just smile. And wave. Actually no, I just smiled.

It was kinda shocking and I admit I was somewhere between anger and frustration, wanting to ask the question ‘why’ and leaving that instant. But instead, I just smiled and thought about what he said.

After all, I did try a relationship with him and even though that ended 3 years ago, I was very into him at that point. But still, somehow he had this impression of me that I am not the relationship type. So I ask you now, is there such a thing?

Me thinks not. I think we all have that one person that’s just perfect for us and understands our way of being. The one person that fits us so well, no matter the type of freak or f*cked up we are (because we all are fucked up in our own way, don’t try to deny it). Well, that person will be there and the match between us is so perfect that seems unbreakable.

On the other hand, to a person that doesn’t fit you, one that doesn’t understand you, you will never be good enough no matter what you do.

Take this, for example: a friend of the opposite sex calls you in the middle of the night. If you’re a girl, you get ringed by a guy-friend and if you’re a guy, that’s a girl-friend you got ringed by. They need you help so you rush to get dressed. Now, if you have that person that understands you and fits you and knows your ways, they know they can trust you and that you really want to help the friend that called, nothing else. Hell, they even get dressed and come with you to offer a hand. On the other hand, a person that’s not your type of person gets upset with the fact that the call woke them up, may even get jealous that you help a friend no matter the circumstance. And they judge you without even asking for details.

Okay, it may not have been the best example, or maybe it was. Don’t know. I’ve had both kinds of relationship and even though I tried to make both of them work – because you’re not in a relationship just for a Facebook status, you actually have to mean it and work for it – the one that I’m most fond of is the one when I really felt appreciated.

Now, there are 3 things that need clarification and it’s imperative that you know yourself from head to toe, in order to achieve these conclusions. And you only do it for yourself, really. So there’s no point in oversell it. First, you need to know what you don’t accept in a relationship and from a partner. Because that’s the only way you can be sure of what’s wrong and what’s right for you. You don’t have time to waste, even in your love life, trust me. Depending on the age you are, all the experimenting was nice before you reach 25, but after that it’s just a waste of time. You need to able to select the qualities you admire in a partner and also the things that are a total turn-off. There is no ‘I just have to see how this one ends, maybe it works’ allowed.

Okay, second – you need to know if you can really have a relationship. You can’t be in a relationship and act single. Because then, what’s the point?! Ask yourself if you can really be monogamous, if you can trust another person enough to form a team, if you are open and flexible enough to see your partner’s point of view and respect it, even though you may not always be in agreement.

And third – love your single life. Yes, love it and enjoy every minute of it. Take your ‘me-time’ (personally, I have a day per week), enjoy moments with your friends, take time for your hobbies. You are the only one that should complete yourself and that’s not a partner’s job. If you don’t love and respect yourself or better yet, if you can’t stand yourself in those alone moments, who will?

Too many people fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes that even sadder? When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one. The last part isn’t mine, I have no credit for it – it’s a friend’s thought shared with me, so I had to tell it to you too. He said all this is really sad. I told him it’s just a warning you should educate yourself not to get in a situation like this.

Me? I don’t agree with my ex’s opinion of me. I think that when it comes to us two, I am the one that knows me better and not him. I know how to be single, I know how to have a relationship when it’s the case. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes and feel the need for activities couples do, but I also know what I can and cannot accept in someone who wants to be my partner. So yes, I guess I’ll be single until I find that special someone 🙂

P.S.: If you enjoyed this, you might also like to read: How to – Relationships, How to Play and How Long is Forever?.

The Smarter the Woman is…

November 10, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

… The more difficult it is for her to find the right man.

Why? Because smart women need much more from a man than basic needs. As you may know, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs introduces the five needs that can be divided into two major categories – basic (physiological, safety, love and esteem) and growth needs (self-actualization).

While the majority of women is happy with a man who works, makes money and fulfills their physical needs, and other small category also values the respect and attention their men pay to them, you may also aknowledge the existence of another type of women – for those all of the above aren’t enough. What do these women want, now?

Well, it’s simple. When a woman is self-sufficient, independent and provides for herself, she needs a man who can give her something she can’t have just by her own. She can shop for groceries alright, have a house, pay the bills. So when she will think about a man, she will raise the question of ‘How could that man bring added value to my life?’.

To a woman like this, a man is much more than a source of money or attention. She knows too well who she really is, she’s confident and doesn’t need attention. She aims for respect, but that’s not all. Starting from there, she needs someone with whom she can have real conversations, someone to mentally stimulate her. Her type of man would be sensitive enough to understand her but strong enough to be a support when needed. She will want someone who respects her, but more than that she will need someone who gives her something to respect in return.

Just like she is, she will give her attention to a self-sufficient but not ego-centered man. Because the both of them can build a relationship in which they can help eachother.

So, in today’ world, what chances does a strong woman have to find the right man? I wonder…

10 Reasons to Get Happy :)

November 6, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

I often get questions like – ‘How can you be so positive?’, ‘Why are you so optimistic, don’t you worry about life?’, ‘Why do you smile all the time?’. I also get remarks like – ‘I gotta see you more often, you charge me with energy’, ‘I just have to look at your photos and I have a good day’, ‘Thank you for *something I posted on Facebook*, I really feel it inside’.

One of the greatest and funniest things that happened to me lately was making friends with this really lovely girl, Ruxandra. Well, Ruxandra added me on Facebook, out of nowhere. At some point, I asked on Facebook for help and she shared my status. The result was that through her, a friend of hers contacted me and helped me, so the natural thing to do was to send her a message to say thanks. Well, she was really friendly and we started talking more and more so we decided to meet at a teahouse one evening.

We had a really nice conversation, girl-talk, and I got to ask her how she found me on Facebook so she told me that a mutual friend liked one of my pictures and it appeared on her newsfeed. She then said that she liked my pic, she started looking through my photos and saw that I was smiling in everyone of them, that I had this positive vibe and that she likes and needs someone like that around her. Besides the fact that she is really cute and sweet, that made her even more adorable in my eyes 🙂 And also, she admitted that it was the first time she met with a girl she knew on Facebook. Aww! We kept in touch since then and became friends and we created this habit of seeing eachother once a week.

So, one time, Ruxandra asked me one of those questions I always get. Me being happy, as I told Ruxandra also, is just my natural mood. I like to see the bright side of life and not stress over, well, anything. I’ve come to see that everything passes, good things and bad things also. I try to enjoy the moment as much as I can, every moment even if it’s not that enjoyable. As an example, I even enjoyed having my knee broken. Yes, that might sound weird, but it was the best thing I could do back then.

Long story short, I broke my knee on a second date with this guy who, while wandering the streets, asked me to dance on the music of a street musician. Well, my heels got stuck in the pavement, so my knee broke when the guy tried to lean me back. I fainted immediately and when I woke up, I started laughing. Yes, it might not have been the best move, even the guy asked me if I was okay or if he also hurt my head. My answer to him was – ‘Come on, it’s really funny. You’ve literally got me head over heels on our second date. No other guy has managed to do that!’. Really now, what was I supposed to do then – yell, get mad at him, cry? He didn’t want to hurt me, it was an accident. So I just laughed and drove myself to the hospital to get my knee in a cast.

My point is, whatever the situation you are in, just stay calm. Of course there are moments you can’t, I am not happy ALL the time, it would be stupid to state that. Happy people are not people who smile all the time, but they are those who don’t stress over things they can’t change or control. Instead, they try to find answers and solutions to the issues they encounter.

My personal recipe? Here’s 10 things I like to practice as much as possible:

1. Don’t get easily angry. I understand that by being angry, I hurt myself and lose energy and time over nothing. One of my fav mottos in life is – ‘Getting angry at someone is punishing yourself for their issue.’

2. Don’t analyze everything. I just take things as they are. Good or bad, it’s happening for a reason, even if I don’t know it yet. I just let people and circumstances be. And move on when necessary.

3. If down, take time for yourself to lift your spirits. I realise that nobody can change my mood if I am not able to. Plus, why depend on others to have an effect on me?

4. Workout, a lot! Being physically active makes me more active, more happy, more cheerful, more confident and independent and less predisposed to engaging in unnatural behaviour.

5. Control is not everything. Even at age 16 I was afraid of the dark. It was my way of fearing the loss of control. Now? I just enjoy it. I enjoy the darkness and the fact that I can’t have control over everything in my life. There are too many people involved in it, I can’t control them, so why worry? And, of course there’s a quote that I love and that has become my motto – ‘You can’t control what others do to you, but you can control how you react to what you receive’.

6. Do not fear to apologize when you truly feel sorry or if you feel you did something wrong. Because life is not a game in which someone who apologizes loses. People don’t win and lose in life, and especially not when there’s ego involved.

7. Don’t make expectations of others. Why? Because they rarely live up to them. And in the end who gets hurt? Me. So I just take people as they are and enjoy them as much as I can. (Still, there’s difference between taking people as they come and them making a fool out of you, just because they see you accept them unconditionally.)

8. Be direct. If I have a problem with a person, I deal with that person. I communicate and express my feelings. I don’t get other people in the middle and I don’t search for answers outside my friendship or relationship. Also, comparing people and situation doesn’t do any good.

9. Know your limitations and know when to ask for help. I am far from being an expert in any field, but I do know some stuff about life. And I am really curios of finding out even more. Even so, I know that in some fields I don’t have any interest, so I have to get help with technical stuff, for example.

10. Be willing to take risks, even if you fail. Because to me, that means I have tried something in my life. My failures are the ones that will teach me, not a professor, not anything. No matter what the failure, I am sure that when I come out of that, I will be stronger and know more than I knew when I got in that.

Now, I do have some things I admit I have to work on. I’m not perfect, I’m a human being with feelings even if I learned to control them on some level. There were times when I met people or I was put in situations that taught me the things I still need to learn. Okay, so here they are:

1. I can’t save people. Really now, you can’t save anyone, no matter how much you love them. And in the end, you only hurt yourself, by trying to fix someone else. Even if a person knows they do have an issue, it’s not enough if they don’t act that way. (‘I didn’t need you to fix me, I needed to be there while I fix myself’.)

2. I have poor patience. It’s been my burden and I still fight it… ‘I want it all and I want it now’, that kind of thing.

3. I (sometimes) dwell on the past. I love my memories, I really do, and I like to think about them over and over again. Even of the people in my memories are not still present in my life, I could think and talk about them on any occasion. Well, it’s wrong. Yes, the memories are nice, but those people are no longer part of my life for a reason. And staying in the past and reliving those memories won’t do me any good in the present that I have to live and the future that I have to create. So, my advice to you and myself – learn from your past but then get the hell out of there 🙂

My personal saying? Smile for Today. Repeat Everyday.

How to – Relationships

November 3, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

I hear people saying – ‘I want a relationship’, ‘I miss being in a relationship’.

Well, that’s just plain wrong if you ask me. A relationship is not something you just want or have.

A relationship is something you make, you build from ground after getting to know eachother, after being through good and bad and not wanting to change a single thing about it all. True relationships are based on people who love and respect eachother, who are there for one another. And that is something you cannot fake.

At some point in my life, I was sitting with a guy I just met and we had a nice connection, we could talk for hours and not feel bored. Actually, we did talk for 3 hours in a cafe. And then he said those words – ‘You know, I like you and I think I want a relationship with you’. Oh no.

How could he think (first of all, he thought) he wants a relationship with me when he just met me? And second, what kind of relationship are people used to, since they just go and ask for one the moment they met someone?

We became too superficial. In life and love also… It makes me unhappy to realise that and it makes me even more sad to write it, but it’s true. People go aroung having ‘relationships’ of 2 weeks and saying ‘I love you’ to the first person they like. The saddest thing of all? Many of them really believe in what they hear. And then we wonder how we got heartbroken.

We start to confuse ‘like’ with ‘love’. We ourselves are confused about what they mean and how they feel. We’ve become so eager to have, to feel, to experience something that we don’t know yet, that we throw ourselves into anything that makes our heart racing. We overplay everything and push ourselves into things we can’t handle anymore at a certain point. We don’t even think that maybe someone else will get hurt in all this. We don’t take anyone into consideration, but our need to feel alive. It’s all about the lust.

We know no limits when it comes to getting what we think we want. So what if there’s another person involved, a human being with real feelings? Nope, all that matters is here and now. I really did came to the conclusion the we need to know how to play, before we get into this game.

My thoughts on the struggle that has become having a relationship? Elizabeth Burke states it too well.

How Long is Forever?

October 26, 2014Ana Maria Popa Leave a Comment

A few days ago I found a picture in my Facebook news feed, one that was added by a friend of mine. On this note, I would like to thank Gabi for his kindness. When I saw the pictures he took of the locks in Verona, I wrote to him that I will steal his pics for my iPhone wallpaper and also for the blog. He then offered to send his pics to me, in full size. It took him 7 emails to send all those to me 🙂 And he had the patience.

So, as I was saying, I saw this picture and the first thing that went through my mind was – ‘How many of those couples are still together?’. How many of the couples who have a lock there still hold on to their promise?

I want to think of myself as a realist. I am romantic enough to believe in love and all that ‘together forever’ thing, I do hope that there’s a person for everyone, I would even use a lock to decorate the bridge there, if I had a chance and reason… But something made me think about the love stories I know and also even the ones I lived.

I’ve seen many beautiful love stories that ended sudden, mines included. But this is not about me or my failures when it comes to love, this is about love itself and the people who manage to cherish it.

We have a tendency of making promises when we are happy with one another, when we’re looking through the rose-colored glasses, when we’re still in the honeymoon period. And then what? What happens when all of that is over and the real issues make an appearance? Day-to-day life shows us how we really are. The moments when you’re overwhelmed and you still find the time, mood, understanding, energy for the one you love.

I do have some favorite couples among my friends. Couples that I’ve known since their beginnings, that have stayed together through the good and the bad and that still love and support eachother. I simply love them together, I look at them and they give me hope that fairytale love is possible in real life too. There’s someone for everyone.

I’ll leave you with a saying that I love – ‘Don’t make promises when you’re happy and don’t make decisions when you’re angry’.