Smile and Wave

What do you do when someone you meet again after 3 years tells you they see you as too independent to ever have a serious relationship? And what do you do when that someone is an ex?

Well, you just smile. And wave. Actually no, I just smiled.

It was kinda shocking and I admit I was somewhere between anger and frustration, wanting to ask the question ‘why’ and leaving that instant. But instead, I just smiled and thought about what he said.

After all, I did try a relationship with him and even though that ended 3 years ago, I was very into him at that point. But still, somehow he had this impression of me that I am not the relationship type. So I ask you now, is there such a thing?

Me thinks not. I think we all have that one person that’s just perfect for us and understands our way of being. The one person that fits us so well, no matter the type of freak or f*cked up we are (because we all are fucked up in our own way, don’t try to deny it). Well, that person will be there and the match between us is so perfect that seems unbreakable.

On the other hand, to a person that doesn’t fit you, one that doesn’t understand you, you will never be good enough no matter what you do.

Take this, for example: a friend of the opposite sex calls you in the middle of the night. If you’re a girl, you get ringed by a guy-friend and if you’re a guy, that’s a girl-friend you got ringed by. They need you help so you rush to get dressed. Now, if you have that person that understands you and fits you and knows your ways, they know they can trust you and that you really want to help the friend that called, nothing else. Hell, they even get dressed and come with you to offer a hand. On the other hand, a person that’s not your type of person gets upset with the fact that the call woke them up, may even get jealous that you help a friend no matter the circumstance. And they judge you without even asking for details.

Okay, it may not have been the best example, or maybe it was. Don’t know. I’ve had both kinds of relationship and even though I tried to make both of them work – because you’re not in a relationship just for a Facebook status, you actually have to mean it and work for it – the one that I’m most fond of is the one when I really felt appreciated.

Now, there are 3 things that need clarification and it’s imperative that you know yourself from head to toe, in order to achieve these conclusions. And you only do it for yourself, really. So there’s no point in oversell it. First, you need to know what you don’t accept in a relationship and from a partner. Because that’s the only way you can be sure of what’s wrong and what’s right for you. You don’t have time to waste, even in your love life, trust me. Depending on the age you are, all the experimenting was nice before you reach 25, but after that it’s just a waste of time. You need to able to select the qualities you admire in a partner and also the things that are a total turn-off. There is no ‘I just have to see how this one ends, maybe it works’ allowed.

Okay, second – you need to know if you can really have a relationship. You can’t be in a relationship and act single. Because then, what’s the point?! Ask yourself if you can really be monogamous, if you can trust another person enough to form a team, if you are open and flexible enough to see your partner’s point of view and respect it, even though you may not always be in agreement.

And third – love your single life. Yes, love it and enjoy every minute of it. Take your ‘me-time’ (personally, I have a day per week), enjoy moments with your friends, take time for your hobbies. You are the only one that should complete yourself and that’s not a partner’s job. If you don’t love and respect yourself or better yet, if you can’t stand yourself in those alone moments, who will?

Too many people fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes that even sadder? When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one. The last part isn’t mine, I have no credit for it – it’s a friend’s thought shared with me, so I had to tell it to you too. He said all this is really sad. I told him it’s just a warning you should educate yourself not to get in a situation like this.

Me? I don’t agree with my ex’s opinion of me. I think that when it comes to us two, I am the one that knows me better and not him. I know how to be single, I know how to have a relationship when it’s the case. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes and feel the need for activities couples do, but I also know what I can and cannot accept in someone who wants to be my partner. So yes, I guess I’ll be single until I find that special someone 🙂 blog post There are too many people who fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes them even sadder When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one loneliness


P.S.: If you enjoyed this, you might also like to read: How to – Relationships, How to Play and How Long is Forever?.

10 Reasons to Get Happy :)

I often get questions like – ‘How can you be so positive?’, ‘Why are you so optimistic, don’t you worry about life?’, ‘Why do you smile all the time?’. I also get remarks like – ‘I gotta see you more often, you charge me with energy’, ‘I just have to look at your photos and I have a good day’, ‘Thank you for *something I posted on Facebook*, I really feel it inside’.

One of the greatest and funniest things that happened to me lately was making friends with this really lovely girl, Ruxandra. Well, Ruxandra added me on Facebook, out of nowhere. At some point, I asked on Facebook for help and she shared my status. The result was that through her, a friend of hers contacted me and helped me, so the natural thing to do was to send her a message to say thanks. Well, she was really friendly and we started talking more and more so we decided to meet at a teahouse one evening.

We had a really nice conversation, girl-talk, and I got to ask her how she found me on Facebook so she told me that a mutual friend liked one of my pictures and it appeared on her newsfeed. She then said that she liked my pic, she started looking through my photos and saw that I was smiling in everyone of them, that I had this positive vibe and that she likes and needs someone like that around her. Besides the fact that she is really cute and sweet, that made her even more adorable in my eyes 🙂 And also, she admitted that it was the first time she met with a girl she knew on Facebook. Aww! We kept in touch since then and became friends and we created this habit of seeing eachother once a week.

So, one time, Ruxandra asked me one of those questions I always get. Me being happy, as I told Ruxandra also, is just my natural mood. I like to see the bright side of life and not stress over, well, anything. I’ve come to see that everything passes, good things and bad things also. I try to enjoy the moment as much as I can, every moment even if it’s not that enjoyable. As an example, I even enjoyed having my knee broken. Yes, that might sound weird, but it was the best thing I could do back then.

Long story short, I broke my knee on a second date with this guy who, while wandering the streets, asked me to dance on the music of a street musician. Well, my heels got stuck in the pavement, so my knee broke when the guy tried to lean me back. I fainted immediately and when I woke up, I started laughing. Yes, it might not have been the best move, even the guy asked me if I was okay or if he also hurt my head. My answer to him was – ‘Come on, it’s really funny. You’ve literally got me head over heels on our second date. No other guy has managed to do that!’. Really now, what was I supposed to do then – yell, get mad at him, cry? He didn’t want to hurt me, it was an accident. So I just laughed and drove myself to the hospital to get my knee in a cast.

My point is, whatever the situation you are in, just stay calm. Of course there are moments you can’t, I am not happy ALL the time, it would be stupid to state that. Happy people are not people who smile all the time, but they are those who don’t stress over things they can’t change or control. Instead, they try to find answers and solutions to the issues they encounter.

My personal recipe? Here’s 10 things I like to practice as much as possible:

1. Don’t get easily angry. I understand that by being angry, I hurt myself and lose energy and time over nothing. One of my fav mottos in life is – ‘Getting angry at someone is punishing yourself for their issue.’

2. Don’t analyze everything. I just take things as they are. Good or bad, it’s happening for a reason, even if I don’t know it yet. I just let people and circumstances be. And move on when necessary.

3. If down, take time for yourself to lift your spirits. I realise that nobody can change my mood if I am not able to. Plus, why depend on others to have an effect on me?

4. Workout, a lot! Being physically active makes me more active, more happy, more cheerful, more confident and independent and less predisposed to engaging in unnatural behaviour.

5. Control is not everything. Even at age 16 I was afraid of the dark. It was my way of fearing the loss of control. Now? I just enjoy it. I enjoy the darkness and the fact that I can’t have control over everything in my life. There are too many people involved in it, I can’t control them, so why worry? And, of course there’s a quote that I love and that has become my motto – ‘You can’t control what others do to you, but you can control how you react to what you receive’.

6. Do not fear to apologize when you truly feel sorry or if you feel you did something wrong. Because life is not a game in which someone who apologizes loses. People don’t win and lose in life, and especially not when there’s ego involved.

7. Don’t make expectations of others. Why? Because they rarely live up to them. And in the end who gets hurt? Me. So I just take people as they are and enjoy them as much as I can. (Still, there’s difference between taking people as they come and them making a fool out of you, just because they see you accept them unconditionally.)

8. Be direct. If I have a problem with a person, I deal with that person. I communicate and express my feelings. I don’t get other people in the middle and I don’t search for answers outside my friendship or relationship. Also, comparing people and situation doesn’t do any good.

9. Know your limitations and know when to ask for help. I am far from being an expert in any field, but I do know some stuff about life. And I am really curios of finding out even more. Even so, I know that in some fields I don’t have any interest, so I have to get help with technical stuff, for example.

10. Be willing to take risks, even if you fail. Because to me, that means I have tried something in my life. My failures are the ones that will teach me, not a professor, not anything. No matter what the failure, I am sure that when I come out of that, I will be stronger and know more than I knew when I got in that.

Now, I do have some things I admit I have to work on. I’m not perfect, I’m a human being with feelings even if I learned to control them on some level. There were times when I met people or I was put in situations that taught me the things I still need to learn. Okay, so here they are:

1. I can’t save people. Really now, you can’t save anyone, no matter how much you love them. And in the end, you only hurt yourself, by trying to fix someone else. Even if a person knows they do have an issue, it’s not enough if they don’t act that way. (‘I didn’t need you to fix me, I needed to be there while I fix myself’.)

2. I have poor patience. It’s been my burden and I still fight it… ‘I want it all and I want it now’, that kind of thing.

3. I (sometimes) dwell on the past. I love my memories, I really do, and I like to think about them over and over again. Even of the people in my memories are not still present in my life, I could think and talk about them on any occasion. Well, it’s wrong. Yes, the memories are nice, but those people are no longer part of my life for a reason. And staying in the past and reliving those memories won’t do me any good in the present that I have to live and the future that I have to create. So, my advice to you and myself – learn from your past but then get the hell out of there 🙂


My personal saying? Smile for Today. Repeat Everyday.

Smile for Today. Repeat Everyday.

Yes, I smile. I smile a lot.
I like to smile to anyone that looks my way. Hell, I even smile when I’m alone. It’s my way to enjoy the little things and get through the big ones.

Two months ago I had a cast on my right leg, because of my knee. When I took the cast off, I couldn’t walk so I had to use a crutch. One day I went to the super to buy some food. I was holding the crutch on my right side and I used my left arm to handle the trolley. Everyone was looking at me either worried or showing pitty. I was looking them straight in the eyes and started smiling back. Their reactions were amazing. Some looked confused, like why would I be smiling in a situation like that, some felt ashamed and some simply avoided looking back.

Now, I know it wasn’t the happiest situation but why should that be tragic? Why should I not fulfill my basic needs? And why not smile throughout the process?

When telling people about what happened to my leg, I was laughing. In part, because it was a funny story*. But mostly because that’s who I am. Some of them started judging and even saying that I was happy or thankful for what happened. It’s not like that, nobody would be happy to spend almost two months in bed, unable to move on his/her own, and dealing with pain and needles and shots.
It’s just that I believe that our mood affects the way we feel, the way we recover.

I also do believe that everything happens for a reason. I did not have a chance to get a holiday this year, financial issues. And to get one and spend it at home would’ve been sooo depressing. Apparently, I got a chance to get some rest and not be depressed about it. Even more, I got in touch with people I usually didn’t have time to meet with. Plus, I made new friends. So, why not be optimistic and look at the bright side of the story?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hypocrite. Even with all the optimism in the world, I had a nervous breakdown one of those days. It wasn’t my fav thing in the world, being totally dependent. I depended on my crutch to get around the house, I depended on my friends to bring me stuff. I even depended on my sweet friend to go to the doctors office in order to get a prescription and then to the pharmacy to get it filled. I was eager to get out and see the sky, but all I could see everyday was my room with its three white and one purple painted wall. But I realized this was just a phase that I had to get through.

So, I smiled then and I still smile now 🙂 And I also used to smile before that.

Lots of love!



smile for today repeat everyday ana maria popa blog post happy love inlove heart



* The funny story involves a guy, a dance, high heels and street pavement. He invited me to the dance with him in the middle of the street, but right before he leaned me back, my high heel got stuck in the pavement and my knee suffered 😀