Yes, I smile. I smile a lot.
I like to smile to anyone that looks my way. Hell, I even smile when I’m alone. It’s my way to enjoy the little things and get through the big ones.
Two months ago I had a cast on my right leg, because of my knee. When I took the cast off, I couldn’t walk so I had to use a crutch. One day I went to the super to buy some food. I was holding the crutch on my right side and I used my left arm to handle the trolley. Everyone was looking at me either worried or showing pitty. I was looking them straight in the eyes and started smiling back. Their reactions were amazing. Some looked confused, like why would I be smiling in a situation like that, some felt ashamed and some simply avoided looking back.
Now, I know it wasn’t the happiest situation but why should that be tragic? Why should I not fulfill my basic needs? And why not smile throughout the process?
When telling people about what happened to my leg, I was laughing. In part, because it was a funny story*. But mostly because that’s who I am. Some of them started judging and even saying that I was happy or thankful for what happened. It’s not like that, nobody would be happy to spend almost two months in bed, unable to move on his/her own, and dealing with pain and needles and shots.
It’s just that I believe that our mood affects the way we feel, the way we recover.
I also do believe that everything happens for a reason. I did not have a chance to get a holiday this year, financial issues. And to get one and spend it at home would’ve been sooo depressing. Apparently, I got a chance to get some rest and not be depressed about it. Even more, I got in touch with people I usually didn’t have time to meet with. Plus, I made new friends. So, why not be optimistic and look at the bright side of the story?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hypocrite. Even with all the optimism in the world, I had a nervous breakdown one of those days. It wasn’t my fav thing in the world, being totally dependent. I depended on my crutch to get around the house, I depended on my friends to bring me stuff. I even depended on my sweet friend to go to the doctors office in order to get a prescription and then to the pharmacy to get it filled. I was eager to get out and see the sky, but all I could see everyday was my room with its three white and one purple painted wall. But I realized this was just a phase that I had to get through.
So, I smiled then and I still smile now 🙂 And I also used to smile before that.
Lots of love!
* The funny story involves a guy, a dance, high heels and street pavement. He invited me to the dance with him in the middle of the street, but right before he leaned me back, my high heel got stuck in the pavement and my knee suffered 😀