What do you do when someone you meet again after 3 years tells you they see you as too independent to ever have a serious relationship? And what do you do when that someone is an ex?
Well, you just smile. And wave. Actually no, I just smiled.
It was kinda shocking and I admit I was somewhere between anger and frustration, wanting to ask the question ‘why’ and leaving that instant. But instead, I just smiled and thought about what he said.
After all, I did try a relationship with him and even though that ended 3 years ago, I was very into him at that point. But still, somehow he had this impression of me that I am not the relationship type. So I ask you now, is there such a thing?
Me thinks not. I think we all have that one person that’s just perfect for us and understands our way of being. The one person that fits us so well, no matter the type of freak or f*cked up we are (because we all are fucked up in our own way, don’t try to deny it). Well, that person will be there and the match between us is so perfect that seems unbreakable.
On the other hand, to a person that doesn’t fit you, one that doesn’t understand you, you will never be good enough no matter what you do.
Take this, for example: a friend of the opposite sex calls you in the middle of the night. If you’re a girl, you get ringed by a guy-friend and if you’re a guy, that’s a girl-friend you got ringed by. They need you help so you rush to get dressed. Now, if you have that person that understands you and fits you and knows your ways, they know they can trust you and that you really want to help the friend that called, nothing else. Hell, they even get dressed and come with you to offer a hand. On the other hand, a person that’s not your type of person gets upset with the fact that the call woke them up, may even get jealous that you help a friend no matter the circumstance. And they judge you without even asking for details.
Okay, it may not have been the best example, or maybe it was. Don’t know. I’ve had both kinds of relationship and even though I tried to make both of them work – because you’re not in a relationship just for a Facebook status, you actually have to mean it and work for it – the one that I’m most fond of is the one when I really felt appreciated.
Now, there are 3 things that need clarification and it’s imperative that you know yourself from head to toe, in order to achieve these conclusions. And you only do it for yourself, really. So there’s no point in oversell it. First, you need to know what you don’t accept in a relationship and from a partner. Because that’s the only way you can be sure of what’s wrong and what’s right for you. You don’t have time to waste, even in your love life, trust me. Depending on the age you are, all the experimenting was nice before you reach 25, but after that it’s just a waste of time. You need to able to select the qualities you admire in a partner and also the things that are a total turn-off. There is no ‘I just have to see how this one ends, maybe it works’ allowed.
Okay, second – you need to know if you can really have a relationship. You can’t be in a relationship and act single. Because then, what’s the point?! Ask yourself if you can really be monogamous, if you can trust another person enough to form a team, if you are open and flexible enough to see your partner’s point of view and respect it, even though you may not always be in agreement.
And third – love your single life. Yes, love it and enjoy every minute of it. Take your ‘me-time’ (personally, I have a day per week), enjoy moments with your friends, take time for your hobbies. You are the only one that should complete yourself and that’s not a partner’s job. If you don’t love and respect yourself or better yet, if you can’t stand yourself in those alone moments, who will?
Too many people fall asleep next to each other and still feel alone. And what makes that even sadder? When they fall asleep next to the wrong person but think of the right one. The last part isn’t mine, I have no credit for it – it’s a friend’s thought shared with me, so I had to tell it to you too. He said all this is really sad. I told him it’s just a warning you should educate yourself not to get in a situation like this.
Me? I don’t agree with my ex’s opinion of me. I think that when it comes to us two, I am the one that knows me better and not him. I know how to be single, I know how to have a relationship when it’s the case. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes and feel the need for activities couples do, but I also know what I can and cannot accept in someone who wants to be my partner. So yes, I guess I’ll be single until I find that special someone 🙂